On Children and Separation

Of the 12 million children in the country, over 1 in 4 have had to endure the separation of their mother and father.
HMG July 2004 Green Paper Parental Separation: Children’s Needs and Parents’ Responsibilities

Mavis Maclean, of the University of Oxford, produced a research summary for the Joseph Rowntree Foundation (2004):

  • Researchers suggest the need to see parental separation not as an event but as a process which begins long before a parent departs and continues throughout childhood. They stress the importance both of making sure that children are told clearly what is happening and of listening sensitively to what children have to say about decisions which affect them.
  • Separation for children can be particularly difficult when followed by a number of other changes to the family setting, for example where parents find new partners or where new children are brought into the household. Financial hardship and parental distress are also associated with continuing problems for children.
  • Formal interventions need to be child-centred and available to all on the basis of need rather than civil status. However, many children seek better communication with and informal support from friends and family.
  • We need to move on from seeing the children of divorced and separated parents as having an experience which is essentially different from that of other children. All children experience a number of transitions that can be difficult for them, and for which they may require additional support.
  • A poor relationship between the separated parents is understood to add to the difficulties in establishing successful arrangements for contact between the child and the non-resident parent.
    Foundations Ref 314 “Together and apart: Children and parents experiencing separation and divorce” By Mavis Maclean. How can children, mothers and fathers be helped through the process of divorce and separation? A research summary. Download it here: http://www.jrf.org.uk/node/3657

A previous research summary on outcomes for children from JRF in 1998 can be downloaded here:
http://www.jrf.org.uk/publications/divorce-and-separation-outcomes-children

A team from King’s College London examined the perspectives of 467 children from diverse families and aged between 5 and 16. The research found:

  • A quarter of the children whose parents had separated said no one talked to them about the separation when it happened. Only 5 per cent said they were given full explanations and the chance to ask questions. Most reported that they were confused and distressed by the separation.
  • Grandparents and friends were children’s key confidants in the weeks following separation; confiding in fathers and siblings was rare.
  • Those children who felt they had poor relationships with their parents and that they were more involved in conflict between parents and step-parents tended to have more adjustment problems.
  • Children whose parents had experienced early adversities, teenage pregnancy and several changes in relationships described their relationships with their parents as less warm, confiding and companionable than other children.
  • Children who felt close to their maternal grandparents had fewer adjustment problems. No such association was found for closeness to paternal grandparents.
  • Over half the children who lived in two households because of separated parents were positive about their ‘divided’ lives. Those who had an active role in decisions about these arrangements and those who said they were able to talk to parents about their problems concerning their ‘divided’ lives were more likely to have positive feelings about moving between households.
  • The views of children as young as five (obtained using drawings and family ‘maps’) were similar to the verbal accounts given by older children.
    “Children’s views of their changing families” by Judy Dunn and Kirby Deater-Deckard (ISBN 1 84263 031 8)  
  • 69% of the children in our survey describe their experience of parental separation as ‘very bad’ (43%) or ‘bad’ (26%)
  • 41% of our child-respondents say that there is no post-separation contact between their parents – with a further 36% saying their parents get on ‘not very well’ or ‘very badly.’
    From Children in The Middle 2008

"Parenting after separation” by Susie Burke | Jennifer McIntosh | Heather Gridley (2007) is a useful Australian summary of research mainly focussing on effects on children. Download the PDF:
http://www.psychology.org.au/Assets/Files/Parenting_separation_PP.pdf