Outcomes for Children in Separation and Divorce

Given a positive and skilled approach from parents, many children cope well with separation, as they do with many of the various transitions in their lives.

It is not so much the separation in itself that affects children, but how it is managed and its practical and emotional context.

Key risk factors appear to be:

• Ongoing parental conflict, particularly where it centres on them, and where attempts to alienate them from the other parent reach the level of emotional abuse
• The loss of practical and emotional support if the non-resident parent (usually the father) is either obstructed by the resident parent or elects not to be involved
• A series of significant changes, either at once or over time. For example, several changes of step-family or location

It is well understood that ‘family breakdown’ in the broader sense is implicated in most poor outcomes for other, more vulnerable children and young people. Lower educational achievement, a greater risk of poverty, emotional, mental health and behavioural problems, offending and self-harming behaviour, addiction, early pregnancy and homelessness, can be interconnected with it - all adding up to reduced resilience. Looked at in another way, it is probably the norm for the adults that experience such complex difficulties to have been children from ‘broken’ and conflicted families. Some repeat this cycle as parents themselves.

Yet the specifically separation-related aspects of this have not been addressed in proportion to its importance, either by those working with children or those working with adults – and rarely the two together.

Paradoxically, if practitioners and agencies are not ‘separation aware’ and only support one presenting parent, we can even inadvertently increase the risk of separation by empowering one parent and neglecting the other.

The research also shows that the attitude of the resident parent and the friendliness between parents is the greatest predictor of continued father-involvement. By focussing on mothers but not informing and challenging them about the long-term importance of fathers for children, we inadvertently increase the chances that children will lose that 50% of their potential support. This is particularly true for young mothers and fathers.

Research suggests that the improved outcomes for children we are aiming for should include that:

• Children experiencing more co-operation and less separation conflict between their parents 
• More children retaining a substantial and meaningful long-term relationship with both biological parents and their extended families after separation
• Fewer children experiencing obstruction of their relationship with the other parent and attempts to alienate them from the other parent
• Children experiencing more stability and fewer ongoing changes
• Children experiencing less conflict involving step parents and step siblings
• More children being told what is happening, and will have an active role in decisions about arrangements if they wish, and will be carefully listened to by parents
• More children having opportunities to discuss their experience of separation either in groups or singly, and be supported to express their needs to parents if they wish
• Fewer children experiencing the extra practical and emotional difficulties which are in some cases associated with early pregnancy, lone parenting and multiple relationship changes
• More children retaining a positive relationship with their fathers and male relations after separation

This will hopefully prevent some of the negative effects of separation, contribute to resilience in children and enable them to build their own adult and parenting relationships more successfully.

Go to Research section