Who can Provide What after Separation?
Parenting Qualities and Children’s Needs
Different family members can provide different things for children after separation, and it is useful for us to understand where those resources and aptitudes are in a fairly detailed way – and where they may be lacking.
It can also be very revealing for mothers and fathers to think honestly and in detail about their strengths and weaknesses, those of the other parent, and how they might complement each other to give their child the best. For example fathers and mothers parent in usefully different ways, something we can lose sight of when feeling threatened and defensive.
The worksheet, which can be downloaded here, groups parenting qualities in terms of:
- Practicalities
- Relationship with children
- Behaviour management, and
- Modelling (setting an example)
It works by plotting points on a spectrum for each significant carer, with OK in the middle. The dots are then joined up with a different named coloured line for each carer, giving a quick visual overview. This can be done as appropriate - preferably working in discussion with carers, or by you, based on information you have. In either case this will be subjective, so record whose view it is.
We, and parents, may then be more able to identify where children can get a fuller range of their needs met – and what support, training or risk management might be needed by each person in a caring role (including step parents).
