Step or ‘Blended’ Families

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'Wicked' Stepfamilies

The realities of stepfamily life can be extremely complex and vary from household to household, so it is worth mapping parenting relationships in them carefully. Parents who may have had difficulties in their previous partnership can enjoy the experience of a more positive family life. Children can enjoy some benefits common to healthy stepfamilies, like the increased flexibility and social confidence that flows from a wider and more varied family circle. On the other hand it can be more difficult, and points of tension may take years to resolve. These can reappear later, especially when children reach their teenage years.

In addition to ‘ordinary’ family dynamics, step or blended families may need help with additional layers of conflict, for example between children and step-parents, between children and biological parents, between non-resident parents and step-parents, and between children and step-siblings.

The attitudes of step-parents towards the other biological parent are important, often affecting separated parenting. The introduction of a new partner can suddenly increase conflict and disrupt contact when competitive or obstructing behaviour occurs. Sometimes more vulnerable parents can prioritise their new relationship instead of their children, or feel that they no longer need the other parent. In some cases things can just settle down.

Starting a stepfamily can lead to major change for those involved. An adult can go from single and childless to parenting children of a range of ages. A parent can have their children double in number and suddenly need to look after children of a vastly different age to their birth children. Two families can find themselves fused and living in a new house, area and family dynamic. Every member will be affected in a different way; mothers regularly feel highly challenged, fathers can feel more responsibility but also more powerlessness. Each child will react in a different way with some children adapting well and others with more difficulty, for example becoming angry and disobedient or withdrawn.

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