Ethnicity and Separation

When working within a community it is important to consider how the racial, religious or cultural background of its members could affect the characteristics of separation and parenting. The nature of separation can vary greatly with each ethnicity and of course individual families will vary too, which calls for a careful consideration of how support should be offered.

Questions to consider:

  • How much stigma is attached to separation and to the use of support services - will you need an extra level of privacy and discretion in order to support this family?
  • Is each parent likely to have continued access to their children?
  • What are the gender issues in this community - does the community view separating men differently from women?
  • Are their religious observances and festivals that need to be arranged for children between separated parents?
  • If you are using an interpreter, how can you ensure that they understand and pass on child-centred messages about co-operation and the importance of both parents if these are less familiar in this community? How can you ensure that confidentiality is maintained and seen to be reliable by the parents – e.g. out of area interpreters?
  • How long has each parent been in the UK? Recent immigrants are likely to have greater support needs, for example they will not know where to access help and are likely to be more isolated
  • Are there any practical issues regarding immigration status or visas?
  • Is there a risk of abduction abroad?
  • What specialist agencies might you be able to work in partnership with – but note the need for absolute discretion in some communities
  • What positive or negative effect do the parents feel is coming from religious or community figures regarding separation? 

Examples of ethnicity and separation

Jump to Pakistani Heritage

Working with the Jewish community

Based on information provided by JUMP (Jewish Unity for Multiple Parenting - www.JUMP-Parenting.org.uk):

With the exception perhaps of the ultra orthodox groups, the UK Jewish community is much more westernised than certain South Asian communities in the acceptance of divorce. Between 1 in 3 and 1 in 4 Jewish marriages currently end in divorce and the impact of separation and divorce on children is gaining increasing recognition. The Office of the Chief Rabbi has publically stated its wish ‘to emphasise the importance of involving both parents in the raising of their children’ particularly following family breakdown.

Many Jewish parents benefit from support after family separation, even if the separation was fairly straight forward. While religion is a key factor for maintaining a child’s contact with both parents to ensure their continued cultural and religious family identity is maintained, it can also be a point of friction after separation. This issue may be further exacerbated if one parent is of the Jewish faith and the other parent is from a different faith, for example. One aspect of religion that can lead to contention is the parents’ wish to celebrate religious festivals with their children. Agreements somehow need to be reached about which festivals children spend with their mother and which they spend with their father and extended families each year. Trying to come to an agreement can lead to friction, especially in the painful aftermath of relationship breakdown.

Key Jewish religious events in a child’s life, such as a Barmitzvah for a boy and a Batmitzvah for a girl, can lead to even sharper points of conflict. Parents have many elements to reach agreement on in the lead up to these events, including the role each will take in helping the child with learning and celebration preparations, their own and their families attendance at the actual event in the Synagogue and whether they are able to work together to organise a joint celebration which would be most beneficial for their son or daughter instead of two separate parties. Regarding the complicated planning process, JUMP advises parents who are able to communicate together to avoid making commitments that could put additional strain on their relationship, especially financial ones.

Arrangements for the Sabbath pose a different, more regular weekly challenge. Aside from the question of who is to be with the children on each Sabbath, the issue of different levels of religious observance can lead to additional friction. A reasonably observant Jewish parent may have strong reservations about their ex-partner not being as fully observant about all traditional aspects of the Sabbath with their child and may equally feel uncomfortable about being asked to break rules themselves to satisfy their ex-partner’s requests, such as travelling to pick up their child. These difficulties can also occur between separated parents where one parent is of the Jewish faith and the other is not. It is important for support workers to have an understanding of and sensitivity about these intra- and inter-religious differences.. In some cases this could help both parents to maintain a positive ongoing relationship with their children. Appropriate parenting-time arrangements can then be recommended within the family law court arena taking these religious observance issues into account when deciding upon a child’s time with each parent. The most important issue is to convey to parents a level of understanding and tolerance toward one another’s beliefs and level of observance.  

Working with families of Pakistani heritage

Possible issues may include:

  • Services may be seen as condoning unacceptable family break-up if they work with separated families, so one-to one support in another guise and in a neutral venue may be needed. Male family members may vet or veto support services, so absolute discretion may be required.
  • If possible source interpreters from out of area to ensure that confidentiality is transparently reliable
  • Recent immigrants may not know where to seek information
  • There may be some collusion of families with domestic violence, through a desire to keep it in the family, for example from the perpetrator's mother, or a perception in some cases that it is acceptable
  • On occasion separated mothers may be excluded from the community
  • There may be conflict based on extended family lines post-separation
  • Interpreters and translators may not understand or accurately pass on agency ethos, for example regarding co-operative parenting and the importance of both parents
  • Parents may have different first languages, for example Urdu and Punjabi
  • Immigration status may on occasion be used to try and exclude one parent by the other, so signposting to specialist support may be necessary.

Working with families of other heritages

Look for support from local organisations and share your issues. Consider the list of above questions to focus your approach.