Working with Children and Young People from Separated Families

We may work in a variety of settings: early years settings, primary schools, secondary schools, young offender services, substance misuse services, youth work, counselling and mentoring. However the basic principles are common to all:

Consider whether separation issues are part of the picture you are seeing, and if they are, address them specifically

Be child centred rather than focussing on a presenting parent

Children:

• Can adapt well to separation, particularly when they are involved in decisions and are able to talk to parents about problems
• Are likely to struggle more if parental conflict is high and obvious to them, or if parents attempt to alienate them from the other parent
• Find it more problematic during transition periods, particularly if there are a number of changes at one time, or if there are a number of changes over a longer time, such as a number of separations and different step parents
• Develop a strong sense of what is fair for parents as well as themselves
• Notice the emotions of parents, even if not verbally expressed
• Are distressed when arrangements are not kept to by either parent
• Can interpret lack of communication about the separation as meaning that they are to blame, or that the parent who left no longer loves them
• Can internalise hurt (blankness, depression and self harm) or externalise hurt (aggression and playing up)

Continue to: Ideas for Supporting the Needs of Children